Autism Spectrum Disorder is a term used to describe a spectrum of neuro-developmental conditions existing from very early life which affects how the brain processes information.

The impacts result in a unique Posttraumatic Relationship Syndrome (PTRS) that Karen Rodman has termed Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS) for those still in the relationship.

Normal developmental milestones

Developmental milestones reached in ASD

Deficits of ASD as a result of not reaching milestones

Possible impacts on NT partners

Joint attention

Obsessive interest in one's own needs

Difficulty sharing experiences & interests

Perspective, interests & needs disregarded by partner

Theory of mind/Theory of own mind – awareness of self and others

Inability to see one’s own or another's point of view

Inability to be “ in someone else's shoes”

Loss of sense of self; insecurity; uncertainty of own reality

Ability to read and interpret body language / facial expression

Limited understanding of body language / facial expressions

Inability to register others’ emotions

Emotions unacknowledged, not validated and disregarded by partner

Ability to repair & maintain relationships, have life-long friendships

Inability to repair and nurture relationships

Few, if any, real friends

Unresolved disputes, unfinished interactions and unresolved emotional upset

Emotional reciprocity

Lack of empathy for people

Inability to relate to or sense others’ emotions

Lack of input / return of feelings / emotional support

Desire or need to socialise and make "small talk"

Inability to see the need for small talk

Difficulties in making relationships, uses role paying, copying & masking outside home

Lack of intimate connection such as “pillow talk”

Sense of humour / understanding of irony & human frailty

Limited humour/ inability to laugh at oneself and one’s own mistakes

Limited ability to admit to mistakes

No redress when wronged, receives no “natural justice”

Abstract language

Limited to literal understanding of language

Limited ability to understand irony /metaphor / jokes

Unrequited efforts to make themselves "heard" / lack of loving banter

Desire to share own and others’ interests

Obsession with own interests

Difficulty sharing anything

Loneliness in the relationship, few shared positive memories

Ability to generalise learning to new situations

Rigid compartmentalisation of concepts

Inflexibility in learning new ways and growing

Unacknowledged and non-validated perspectives

Abstract thinking

"Concrete" thinking, lacking insight

Little appreciation of "hidden" meaning in life

Denial of truth; “gaslight” phenomenon; self-doubt

Imagination and ability to dream of possibilities

Solitary imagination

Tendency to remain "stuck in a rut” in life

Reduction and narrowing of life

Development of auditory skills and articulate verbal skills

Deficient oral / aural communication with receptive / expressive language difficulties

Tendency to misinterpret others’ intentions; uses non-sequiteur

Object of misunderstandings producing self –doubt/ confusion

Takes responsibility for own actions

Blames others for problems / mistakes

Inability to acknowledge or learn from mistakes

Falsely blamed, develops strong anger arising from injustice

Normal developmental milestones
Ability to share problems and concerns as a means to solve them

Developmental milestones
reached in ASD
Inability to share problems or foresee consequences and possibilities

Deficits of ASD as a result of not reaching milestones
Tendency to get into problem situations; “Mr Magoo” Syndrome; oblivious to turbulence of problems

Possible impacts on
NT partners
Requirement socially / emotionally to fix the unconsidered consequences

Social conscience, sense of “fair play”

Undeveloped social conscience& overly strict adherence to rules; narrowly focussed, unable to interpret nuance in life

POSSIBLE psychopathic, sociopathic or criminal behaviour, black and white attitude to life

Exposure to insufficient or unsafe conditions / dismissal of concerns, may feel intimidated and humiliated/affected by domestic violence and abuse

Ability to react & act spontaneously

Inappropriate responses or no response

Awkwardness in family and social situations

Deficiency of positive feedback or assistance

Innate knowledge about social behaviour

Lack of real understanding of social behaviour

Desire for isolation or over socialisation

Undesired isolation, lack of option for full participation in life

Comfort, pleasure & pain in sensory experiences

Sensory overload or unawareness

Excess or avoidance of touch & physical contact

Deficiency of human physical contact

Intuition about life

Lack of intuition

Lack of common-sense

Obligation to repair misunderstandings& social gaffes by partner

Balanced development of emotional and intellectual skills

Development of intellectual skills over emotional skills

Interactions limited to intellectual unless prompted

Feelings of being socially mimicked and depended upon, service as a social “seeing–eye dog”

Ability to show love in tone of voice, eyes, treatment of others

Limitation to "gifts of service"

Cold and unloving behaviour, lack of compassion

Object of manipulation, intermittent reward; experiences fear with loss of trust in the relationship & self

Attachment to people, places and things

Lack of attachments to people

Attitude that others are dispensable

Unrequited love; loss of self-esteem, feelings of being unappreciated and used

Reflection and insight into self

Lack of sense of self in relation to others

Inability to reflect on own life

Obligation to accommodate partner without compromise or negotiation from partner

Ability to make decisions using emotions and intellect

Uncertainty of own feelings about things

Poor decision making / naiveté

Hopelessness in seeking partner’s opinions or commitment

Executive functioning

Lack of organisational skills

Inability to navigate complex processes

Obligation to prompt or fulfil partner’s neglected duties

Ability to prioritise tasks and multi-task

Limited to only one task at a time

Neglect of urgent responsibilities / panic

Obligation to solve urgent disasters alone and for partner

Ability to gain wisdom from experiences

Lack of generalisation of learning and awareness of important experiences

Inflexible or absent personal philosophy / ideology

Superficial, unfulfilling relationship; physical illness as a result of stress

Ability to control thoughts, emotions, words, actions according to circumstances.

Lack of impulse control.

ADHD, OCD, tantrums, manipulates others by fear and verbal/physical violence.

Living with constant stress, fear, unresolved anger, domestic abuse and violence. Death by a thousand paper cuts. Ongoing Traumatic relationship syndrome